Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
