I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
