I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
