Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
