Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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