Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
