U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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