Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
