I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
