I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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