It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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