i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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