I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
