i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
