Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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