chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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