New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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