I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
