rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
