I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
