i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
