defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
