I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
