It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
