Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
