Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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