i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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