you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
