it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
