My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
