Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
