Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
