he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
