see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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