There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
