It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
