I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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