Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
