Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
