I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
