I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize