dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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