after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
