i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
