Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
