i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
