i jhust puked up my retainher.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
