Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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