Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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