yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
