so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
