i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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