I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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