***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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