Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
