so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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